I’d like to compare opposite ends of relationships to opposite ends of religious experiences: deism and experientialism.
Deism is understood to be God creating the universe and letting it “do it’s thing”. He interjects at times but mostly leaves the world to it’s own devices.
On the other hand, there’s the experientialist approach. God is everywhere and in everything. He’s always talking to you, don’t finish the Alphabet soup without carefully making sure there are no messages.
I’ve been part of the deistic approach to a relationship and I’ve found it to be EXTREMELY genuine. There’s going to be a bit of a twist. It isn’t true deism but it’s being very authentic. Nothing was done by me or her unless we wanted to. I didn’t have to talk to her everyday because I didn’t want to. It made the times I spoke with her that much more significant. We had our own friends, mutual friends, and alone time that was very evenly spread apart. It was perfect.
Then time happened.
Eventually the times started to amount where she wasn’t available to talk. Hanging out with friends seemed to be more frequently done than spending time. There were times I really wanted to talk to her but I either was preoccupied or really didn’t want to talk. Needless to say, that didn’t last a whole lot of time.
Technically, being fake is important in relationship building and maintenance. We need to be able to be honest with our significant other without them thinking the worst but also sucking it up and not letting them know you may not want to speak or see them at the time in order for them to do the same with you.
(part 2 coming soon)